I think the clients are all better lately. For Android I prefer Schildi Chat Next. For most everything else we use my self hosted Cinny web app. My only iPhone user likes elementX. Fluffy Chat is solid for messaging only, but I did not like that it can’t do the voice and video calls. They may have added that by now, I’m not an expert.
I appreciate the refresher. Thanks for sharing the link!
I run a self hosted server for my household and my family gets a lot out of it. I’m not quite sure I’d consider it a gift as much as I do a way to save money and have more privacy and control. To be more blunt, I do not expect my wife would feel happy with me telling her it is a “gift” for her as it is clearly a hobby of mine.
For your question on OS, truenas scale has worked really well for me. If you have comfort running Debian server, that’s a great way to go as well. I think truenas scale would fit you well for one of your specific notes, “Having a simple container interface for future features like homeassistant and jellyfin et al is great too.” I love how easy my containers are to work on and maintain in truenas.
Ultimately, I think you should spin up every OS you are considering and look around first. It would only take a few hours of your time and it’s a very personal choice to a certain degree.
Continuwuity is so easy the setup and maintain. If you want to self host a matrix server, I couldn’t recommend this enough.